arbitrary constant

Tonight is the final round of the Masters — the first golf major of the year. Since I intend to watch it all the way through, I might as well blog it... a new, but hopefully interesting departure for arbitrary constant.

20:18 — The leaders, Trevor Immelman (-10), and Brandt Snedeker (-10), are on the third. England's Paul Casey (-8) is doing well on the fourth, and Tiger is struggling (-4) having not been on his game all week. If I had to call it, I'd go for Immelman: he's been driving like a dream all week, with only four fairways missed and average length of 294 yards.

20:22 — Snedeker misses a 30-footer by a whisker on the third. It's for a par, though, so he moves back to -9. Sam Torrance likes his attitude: "A big smile when he misses a putt! Well well."

20:24 — Woods misses a birdie putt by literally an inch on the fifth, and taps it in in disgust with one hand. He stays at -4. Immelman fires it through the par-three fourth, though, so may drop the shot that Snedeker just dropped. Meanwhile, the BBC's coverage is not showing much of host Gary Lineker, which has to be a relief for all of us. So far as I can see, the only qualifications Lineker has to host this is (1) he's hosted Match of the Day for a few years, having been a professional footballer for years before that, and so actually knows what he's talking about when on MOTD; (2) he plays a bit of golf (with Hansen, Lawrenson et al); and (3) Steve Ryder works for ITV now.

20:27 — Having led after the first round (for the third time in his career), Justin Rose finishes with another bogey at the 18th for a total of +7. I have no doubt he'll win it one day. Meanwhile, Ken Brown floats over the failure of Rose by eulogising over the flowers at Augusta (helped by literally gushing graphics from the American networks).

20:35 — I've thought of one other reason why Gary Lineker is hosting the BBC's coverage: his tan. Meanwhile, Steve Flesch (107th in the world) is very steadily making par and stays at -8. Tiger at the 6th picks up the shot he just dropped. He's not going to do it, you know.

20:37 — Immelman holes out at the fourth to stay one ahead. Peter Alliss talks nonsense about a fighter pilot called Immelman who was a "daring man in a flying machine", which has nothing to do with golf. England's best hope, Paul Casey, drops his third shot in two holes with a bogey at 5. "Still right there" and "dig deep" are Sam Torrance's mutually exclusive comments.

20:41 — Ken Brown knows his stuff, and the best bits of the BBC's coverage are his pieces to camera out on the course. He's just done a nice one on the tee shot for the 7th. I make it 27 minutes without a flash of Lineker's tan so far... will he be back next year?

20:46 — You know when something good is about to happen because (1) you've heard a cheer go up; and (2) the coverage jumps to someone you haven't heard of. So, someone (I don't know who!) just holed their second at the par-four 14th from 200-odd yards. You'd have thought Alliss could have figured this out by now.

20:49 — The wind is getting up, so Amen Corner will be a nightmare (that's the 11th, 12th and 13th). Casey, meanwhile, has seen his ball move whilst addressing it meaning a penalty shot and thus another dropped shot. Immelman... birdies 5 and moves two shots clear at -11.

20:52 — No interviews with Englishmen that have finished yet (Rose, Westwood soon enough). I'd like to hear them talking about hitting the golf ball around the golf course at this great golf tournament. We know its golf: they don't have to specify quite so much.

20:53 — Snedeker is Brandt, by the way, not Brad. And with that correction, Woods drives at 8 (a par 5), and one spectator gets so excited he says "in the hole", which is clearly ridiculous.

20:57 — Golfers tell the ball to do things once they've hit. Two things: (1) golf balls can't hear them; (2) if golf balls could hear, it would be better talking to them before they're hit e.g. you will go nice and straight.

20:57 — Coverage jumps to the 12th, to see Lee Westwood hole out from the edge of the green. At least we know who he is (see 20:46).

20:58 — Steve Flesch has just hit a tree on the 8th, trying to punch one up the fairway after a poor drive. I know how he feels: I once hit a shot through my legs. Actually, that makes my mistake much worse.

21:05 — Flesch hit his recovery shot into the bunker, but holes his putt for a 5. Snedeker misses a putt for par on 6. Tiger is short with his second to the par-5 8th. Casey leaves a 70-footer 30 feet short. Padraig Harrington chips one which ends up further behind him than it started. Immelman, though, goes from strength to strength and is looking good at -11 after 6. Is this the first definitive shift of the day?

21:08 — "Angel-white sand and beautiful, lush grass." Ken Brown's lyricism is inspiring.

21:09 — I think Tiger's final-day top is more pink than red. Perhaps that's just the contrast on my television. Or maybe I've been looking at the azaleas for too long?

21:13 — Immelman puts his 144-yard approach at the 7th to within 5 feet. He's already three shots in the lead and his nearest competitor (Snedeker) pops it in the bunker. A two-shot swing?

21:15 — Lineker appears! He's told us Ken Brown visited the Butler Cabin (where the green jacket is put on the winner) and we're promptly whisked away to a room that looks like the living room from Home Alone.

21:21 — That two-shot swing didn't quite materialise as Immelman missed his birdie putt. Queue Alliss's immediate cliche: "I wonder how important that shot will be over the next two, two and a half hours?" In a perfect moment of symbolism, the camera cuts to a shot of two tortoises, perfectly static, wondering what the hell is going on around them.

21:25 — Immelman (-11); Flesch (-8); Snedeker (-7); Woods (-5); Cink (-5). But Amen Corner to come. If Woods goes birdie-par-eagle and Immelman goes into the water, it's not beyond reach for Woods...

21:27 — The BBC is blogging the final round, but not the Guardian. Is golf too middle class for the Gruad?

21:30 — Alliss takes a break; the BBC's lawyers breath a sigh of relief. Lineker talks his way through the leaderboard, picking out names he recognises. The only interesting point (interesting because it is funny) is that Ian "second best golfer in the world" Poulter has had five double bogies today and is now on +5.

21:33 — Holes 9, 10, 11 and 12 are the 4 hardest holes on the course today. The leaders are all making their way through them now, with 13 completing the hardest holes. As they say, the Masters doesn't start until the back 9 on Sunday. We'll have no choice but to see.

21:40 — Poulter (+7 for the day); Rose (+4 for the day); Casey (+6) for the day. The Brits have faded away. Immelman drops one on the 8th, though, to go back to -10 with Flesch on -8 and Snedeker on -7. Woods is in trouble on the 10th. Immelman probably still has the edge, but he'll need some luck (which he might have already had on the 15th during the second round, when his ball stuck on the bank leading to the water when it really shouldn't have done).

21:41 — Showing the graphics for the 10th, the BBC use Muse's Muscle Museum. That'll confuse the old ones, who'll think it is some sort of abominable mix of Liszt or something.

21:49 — The Masters winner will receive £675,000. They will also get a green jacket that they have to bring back after one year. The only golfer I can think of who would actually say that they're just happy with the money would be Boo Weekley. After all, he did once say: "I want to play 10 or 12 years, whatever it takes to get enough money in the bank, and I'm done. I get tired of the grind. I get tired of being away from my family."

21:55 — Immelman holes a dibbly dabbler, and leads by 2 over Flesch (-8). Snedeker (-6) is in third; Woods bogeyed 10 to surely drop out of contention.

21:56 — Westwood holes his first decent putt of the week, with a 35-footer at 16... but it was for bogey, and he doesn't look happy.

21:58 — An interesting question from Ken Brown: does Woods chase the pins and play aggressively? Or does he just accept fifth or so? I don't think he needs the money, so he might as well just go for it, no?

21:59 — Lineker! Fully 29 minutes after his last link. I'm not sure what he's getting paid for this, but I have as much golfing pedigree as he does and could do a better job, so if anyone from the BBC is watching, I'm happy to be an anchor...

22:04 — That was anchor. Sam Torrance confirms that the top 16 and ties can come back for the Masters next year. On the basis of the ties I've seen them wearing, the members of Augusta might wish returning players to leave their collarwear behind.

22:05 — Immelman has been slow all week, but he's really starting to slow down now. It seems to be working, though, as he's just popped one straight onto the 10th green.

22:10 — Immelman's putt on 10 hits a catkin, but he should be fine. They're showing Poulter's hole-in-one at the 16th during the first round again. I don't know what it is, but I wouldn't want to run in to Poulter in the pub, because I just get the feeling he'd be the brash loud bloke wearing the Topshop gear, trying to crack on to the woman that most looks like a footballer's wife.

22:11 — Alliss mysteriously whispers: "The call of nature". His fellow commentators clearly have no idea what he's talking about.

22:15 — Amen Corner. Likened to Terminal 5 by Ken Brown: "Both very difficult to get through". Cue laughter (Mark Lawrenson-style) at the back of the commentary box. Ken Brown is turning out to be the highlight of tonight's coverage.

22:18 — Woods holes a 60-footer at 11 for birdie. Not many others are going to birdie 11, so that's a shot gained... if he pars 12 and then hits birdie at 13 he would be within 4 of Immelman (-10) who still has Amen Corner to get through.

22:19 — I think Tiger has taken my advice and is going for it: he's just gone straight at the pin on 12. I'm opening a beer to calm my nerves, so typing might be more erratic than normal.

22:24 — Lee Westwood birdies the last from 15 feet to end where he started: even par. If only he could sort that putter out, he could have been a contender. Coverage cuts to Robert Karlsson on the 15th, so something good is bound to happen... he promptly sticks it within 3 feet with his second on the par five.

22:28 — As the cat joins me on the sofa, I'm reminded that there's more than one Tiger on the prowl lately. That's it for the cat references, I assure you.

22:28 — "Looking for the wind you can't see". Peter Alliss: philosopher. "Fuck". Tiger Woods lets his feelings been known on his drive at 15.

22:38 — Tiger is next to a tree and has a one-quarter backswing available to him... and promptly wallops it 100 yards down the fairway. Whilst he's faffing about, though, Steve Flesch drops one to go to -6, leaving Immelman with a 4-shot lead. That might not last, though, because Immelman has a nasty chip on 11... which doesn't reach the green. "Woah wo woah wo wo wo wo" comments Peter Alliss, usefully.

22:41 — Tiger plays a sublime pitch from 97 yards on the 15th to within 5 feet. If he holes that and Immelman drops his shot on the 11th, there would be 3 shots in it.

22:45 — But Immelman holes it to stay at -10! A slow motion of Tiger hitting out from under the tree makes it look like he played a beautiful cover drive through extra cover.

22:46 — And Tiger misses the birdie putt on the 15th!

22:47 — Alliss says there is always drama at Augusta, but this last round has been pretty sedate. That reflects Immelman's steady approach to this final round and looks set to continue for the next 6 holes. If it does, though, then Immelman will win it, and deservedly so.

22:51 — Poulter's birdie putt on the 18th lips out, and he nods at the ball as if to say he knew that would happen. He finishes on +4, which isn't the holy brilliance of golf play that he must have hoped his all-in-white get up for the day would suggest.

22:55 — Snedeker birdies to go to -6, tied with Flesch. Immelman, though, drops one at the 12th to go back to -9. There are still 6 holes to go, which means (1) lots could happen; and (2) we're talking Steve Davis versus Denis Taylor finishing time here.

23:00 — Immelman cracks a three wood down the middle, and leaves himself with the do-I-don't-I second shot at (or not) the green. Evens says he lays up. Snedeker, though, who has to make something happen, hits a nice drive (which flirted so much with the trees it exchanged mobile numbers and agreed to meet up next week) and will go for it in two as he should and has to.

23:01 — Woods bogeys the 14th. That's it, surely. Lineker makes an appearance (clock check: 63 minutes since his last link!) and thankfully sends us "back to the action". Unfortunately, the action involves listening to Peter Alliss think Immelman is going to "have a cut at it" when in fact he lays up.

23:06 — Snedeker goes for it... and it's in the brook, with a shot that is almost a replica of his shot from yesterday's round. No one seems to want to win this.

23:07 — Immelman pitches to within 4 feet and looks likely to birdie the 13th and move back to -10 and four shots clear. To achieve this, he does something that resembles a swan cleaning itself, though I won't push that description further.

23:15 — Snedeker drops one after finding the water. Immelman birdies the 13th. Immelman has a five shot lead with 5 holes to play.

23:18 — Round of the day must be Miguel Angel Jimenez's, with a 68 (Immelman might argue with that if he wins it with a 72). You have to imagine the Spanish accent as I type that, by the way, because everyone else seems to think it obligatory to say his name with a Spanish accent, and then follow this up with a reference to Rioja.

23:22 — Disappointment of the day? Paul Casey, who is +8 for the round so far, with 2 holes still to play. The English challenge really has faded away over the course of the tournament.

23:24 — Tiger has got to the 16th, so it's time to roll the tape on his chip from a couple of years ago. "In your LIFE, have you ever seen anything like that?"

23:25 — Peter Alliss ponders Steve Flesch's slight capitulation, highlighting that he worried that something like this would happen. This, of course, from the man whose professional career was brought to a close when he began getting the yips.

23:29 — Snedeker and Flesch both drop shots to move to -4 (a score on which Stewart Cink has just joined them), so Immelman leads by 6 with the 15th coming up. If he gets past the water of the 15th safely enough, I reckon even I could get through 16, 17 and 18 and not waste a 6-shot lead.

23:36 — They're just running through all of Tiger's missed putts from today, and there have been 6 of them. It's worth reminding folks that he was 12–1 to achieve the Grand Slam this year, and was down at around 2–1 to win the Masters. All the people that put money on the Slam look very silly now, and the bookmakers as happy as can be.

23:40 — Key shot, as Immelman looks to chip to the 15th... and does so wonderfully. Everyone but Peter Alliss ("remember Devon Loch") thinks Immelman has won it.

23:44 — Lineker appears (clock check: 43 minutes since last link) to walk us through the leader board. Kid's stuff.

23:46 — Wayne Grady moans about slow play and ask the USPGA to do something about it. Of course, he's forgetting that this is a trivial issue, and that his dinner and when he finally gets around to eating it is not uppermost in viewers' minds.

23:48 — Immelman is looking nervous, with a 6-iron in his hand for the 167 yard par-3 16th. There are whimpers of "get in the hole"... but instead it goes in the water!! He's now playing 3 and will do well to only drop one shot...

23:52 — Snedeker is on the wrong side of the green and so isn't in the best position to capitalise on Immelman's mistake. It's Snedeker to putt first...

23:54 — Woods has just birdied the last to go to -5. But the drama is on the 16th.

23:58 — Immelman drops two shots and moves back to -8. But Brandt Snedeker also drops one and is on -4. Thus, Woods is in second place on his own on -5. Immelman has to do no worse than bogey-bogey for the last two. Is his near-perfect driving for the last 70 holes finally going to desert him?

00:00 — Immelman drives 17, and just misses the fairway to the right. Woods is being interviewed, and is keen to go off and get something to eat. The replay of his final putt could be dubbed with Woods saying "ooh, Betty", such is his exasperation that a putt has finally dropped.

00:06 — Snedeker misses the green; Immelman hits it in the bunker and holds his head in his hands. Surely he should still be ok, though? Surely?

00:07 — Steve Flesch pars the last to come in at -2 following a 42 (+6) on the last 9 holes. A shame, but still tied for 5th, which I'm sure he would have taken at the start of the week.

00:09 — Immelman plays his bunker shot to within four feet of the hole. Snedeker makes par; despite Peter Alliss doing his very best to draw tragedy out of the situation ("if he catches the top edge, it might go twice as far past"), Immelman makes par. He has a three-shot lead going up the last.

00:13 — I will never know what it feels like to be the last to drive off on Sunday at the Masters, but Immelman is just about to do it. He's driven beautifully for the past four days... and despite not quite looking like he wanted to do it, he hits another beauty down the middle. He blows his cheeks out with relief, and he's one shot closer to the title.

00:17 — My mind is wandering forward to the inevitable montages at the end. I'm going to have to watch Poulter's hole-in-one again, aren't I?

00:21 — Immelman's ball is in a divot! He has 150 yards (8-iron?) and is having as good a think about this as he has any other shot. But... he's on the dance floor! He can 4-putt it from there and still win, which he would absolutely and thoroughly deserve.

00:24 — Snedeker putts first and then putts out. He's had a tough round, but played his part. You have to write that, really, don't you?

00:26 — Immelman rolls it up to the hole and taps in for par. He is the Masters champion, and has a reserved victory salute to celebrate.

00:30 — There's the obligatory winner's hug for Immelman with his littl'un (who, it has to be said, is unusually ginger). There's also the usual guff from Alliss about checking the card. Overall, it has to be said the day hasn't been particularly exciting. In that sense, it's been a reflection of Immelman's golf, but given that he's lead the tournament since day one and never really looked in trouble, he's not going to care about how it was won, just the fact it is won. Lineker is running through the final standings, picking out the players he's heard of, and Hootie Johnson (the Augusta chairman, or somesuch) is slicking his hair ready for the green jacket. We, though, will switch off before then, and look forward to the World Snooker Championships, which start next week.

Filed in Sport